Down, down, down on a burning wing of fire

Do you remember when that Boeing 747, filled with Qantas passengers travelling from London to Australia, apparently had an explosion of some kind which blew a hole in the fuselage?

That's not good.

For the passengers this was - understandably - a very frightening experience. The oxygen masks appeared in front of them as the plane was forced to drop rapidly from 29,000 feet to 10,000.

Passengers were shaking and largely silent, with some vomiting, as the cabin crew yelled at them to put the masks on.

How did we know that last bit?

Partly because it was in the papers. And partly because of the footage on the TV.

That's the footage on the TV with the words "mobile phone video" in the top left corner.

That's mobile phone video.

Now correct me if I'm wrong (actually - don't; I don't like it) but doesn't everyone in the world know that having your mobile phone on on the plane is the - wrong - thing - to - do?

Don't they?

They do.

Not least, because - rumour has it - they interfere with the navigation systems.


So why the fuck would somebody who has just discovered that the plane they are on has a fucking great hole in the fuselage and is plummeting towards the earth very, very quickly, turn on the mobile phone so they can capture the moment??

Why???

Because - of course - their own little life is SO much more important than the safety of the other 346 passengers or the 19 crew, that taking video footage of everybody dropping like a stone is the natural thing to do, isn't it?

"Hey - yuk, yuk, yuk - I didn't make Big Brother, and I may die in a ball of flame because I'm fucking with the navigation sytems, but at least I'll get on the tee-vee! Neat!"


I suppose (and I've never seen a use for it before) that maybe that's why the mobile phone companies gave us 'Aircraft Mode'.

Limiting One's Patience

I may have remarked before upon the taxi-driving classes.

http://pseudograph-pseudography.blogspot.com/2009/06/taxing-ones-patience

I may have referred too to the difficulties some men seem to have with etiquette when driving.

http://pseudograph-pseudography.blogspot.com/2010/07/vespax-vobiscum.html

So let me ask...

Why is that taxi drivers have no problem understanding "limit on public spending", "limit on personal taxation" and "limit on immigration", but "speed limit" seems to be completely fucking beyond them?

I only ask.

Why Animals Eat Their Young - A Translation

Pseudograph have received a surprisingly high number of requests (particularly from overseas readers) asking for a translation of the conversation between the two vapid in-breeds which is documented in the post entitled "Why Animals Eat Their Young". We are happy to oblige.

"I dislike her intensely and regard her as a silly, bovine type. I cannot understand why she feels the need to copy my personal style of dress".
"I have heard also a suggestion that she is having sexual intercourse with Martin, a man with tattoos".
"Personally, I would not choose to have sexual intercourse with that particular gentleman, if you follow me".
"I wonder if you have heard the MP3 recording I have recently purchased on-line and saved to my mobile telephony device".
"I don't believe I have. Is it not the well-known recording artist Sam Sparrow?"
"That is correct".
"It would not surprise me in the least if the individual we referred to earlier, whom we regard as a silly, bovine type has also purchased the same tune. I dislike her intensely".

Yakult Symbols

Which reminds me... What is it with the ever-decreasing spelling of the word Yoghurt? Huh?

I just don't get it. Well, I mean I do; I have it delivered and keep it in the fridge, but I mean I don't understand the issue of the ever-diminishing name for the dairy product. Obviously.

In the UK it used to be spelt YOGHOURT.

Now, the spelling YOGHURT is used. Some folks in the States spell it the same way.

But the version with no 'H' is increasingly popular in stores all over. YOGURT.

So far so good. If you like that sort of thing. Which I don't.

So where will it end up?

Looked at properly we could save yet more shelf space, by simply removing the 'U' - Yogrt... No problemo. "Yoggert". Easy.


Hmm...


Maybe we can go further. Let's take the 'O' out! Ygrt! That still works (although it may be slightly changed in terms of pronunciation. More "Yuggert", I guess.

Hell, let's go the whole hog, and get it down to Ygt.

"Yuggut". Works just tootin'.

Food for fuckwits. Coming to a small town near you.