The last time I got close to fame was as I walked past the paparazzi outside a theatre in London.
Hundreds of them, shouting and wrestling; jostling for the best position on the pavement, fighting each other for space and exclusivity.
Flashes going off constantly, like the cameras going off in a stadium during the opening ceremony of the World Cup or the Olympics.
And the shouting! All of them yelling, yelling, yelling; desperate that the celebrity glance their way, so they might be captured in digital form for ever...
"Who was that they re shouting at"? I asked someone standing nearby...
Which makes me think.... Who are the famous people I have met?
I once walked past Michael Stipe in the street.
But that doesn't count.
In no particular order, then... Robin Cook. Rolf Harris. Bob Geldof. Neil Murray (the bass player in Whitesnake). Eddie Tenpole-Tudor. Debra Stephenson (of Bad Girls and Coronation Street). Betty Driver (also Coronation Street). The bloke who used to introduce the Krypton Factor. Fish from Marillion. Jimmy Saville. I once spent a whole train journey in a carriage wth Iain Banks and nobody else, but only recognised him as we got off. I once spent a night sitting in a pub at the next table to Bob Mortimer's. Paul Heaton. Frank Worthington. Kirk Brandon (tosser). The daleks (outside the co-op). John Prescott. Atilla the Stockbroker. Pauline Black (of the Selector). Mark E Smith.