30 November 2009

Sea food and eat it...

I went for a very nice curry last night with Mrs Graph and Steppy II.

At the table Steppy II ran us through some of his more recently-learned, interesting facts.

"D'you know jellyfish? They're 95% water", he said.

"Are they not 95% jelly?" asked Mrs Graph.

"Yeah. And 5% fish", he grinned.

27 November 2009

Diät of worms

Nigel's making a lot of noise out there. Pissed up again. He's been on the Pils.

26 November 2009

The Counsel of Worms

There's a worm at the bottom of my garden, and his name is wiggly woo.

Well, actually it's Nigel, and he's a retired planner who worked for a local planning authority for 27 years before taking early retirement and becoming a 'Planning Consultant'. He largely advises people on how to win actions against his former planning colleagues whenever they seek to refuse applications for conservatories and mobile telephone masts in his customers own gardens.

With his pension he now earns more than he did when working full time for a salary. He has become active in local politics, but has been unable to win a seat on the Council which used to employ him, although he lost to the Conservative candidate at the last election by only 113 votes.

Nigel chooses to live in our garden because it's close to where his children - now teenagers - live with his estranged wife.

He had to take some time off work recently when Steppy II accidentally ran over him. Steppy II was on his bike, and crushed him slightly, in the general area of his clitellum. Steppy II apologised, and Nigel tried to go to work using his other end, but people spotted he was talking through his arse.

19 November 2009

Never give a sucker an even break...

Today I saw the Chief Executive of Dyson, the world's leading manufacturer of vacuum cleaners, deliver a presentation about the company. He was very illuminating.

James Dyson, its founder, began the company sixteen years ago, having invented a brilliant system which allows for the separation of dust from air through the clever use of centrifugal forces in such a way that the traditional vacuum cleaner bag is no longer required. That means the cleaner never loses suction.

Dyson invented this system in a building at the bottom of his garden. He went through 5, 127 prototypes before finally getting it right.

He then tried to persuade the major makers of vacuum cleaners, including both Hoover and Electrolux, to buy the invention and take up the idea for their own. They refused, partly because they were making so much money from selling replacement bags that they thought the system would destroy their profitability. One senior Hoover executive, a Mr Rutter, later expressed his regret at not taking Dyson up on the offer, stating that they should have bought the idea simply so they could shelve it.

Dyson decided to manufacture the cleaner himself. His company now operates in 48 countries world-wide, sells between 5 and 7 million units every year and is the biggest brand in that industry.

In other words he's gone from crazy science bloke in a shed to world domination in under two decades. Mad inventor to global supremacy in 16 years.

I thought Batman was supposed to stop that sort of thing!!! Exactly what are paying that useless fucker for??