There's a worm at the bottom of my garden, and his name is wiggly woo.
Well, actually it's Nigel, and he's a retired planner who worked for a local planning authority for 27 years before taking early retirement and becoming a 'Planning Consultant'. He largely advises people on how to win actions against his former planning colleagues whenever they seek to refuse applications for conservatories and mobile telephone masts in his customers own gardens.
With his pension he now earns more than he did when working full time for a salary. He has become active in local politics, but has been unable to win a seat on the Council which used to employ him, although he lost to the Conservative candidate at the last election by only 113 votes.
Nigel chooses to live in our garden because it's close to where his children - now teenagers - live with his estranged wife.
He had to take some time off work recently when Steppy II accidentally ran over him. Steppy II was on his bike, and crushed him slightly, in the general area of his clitellum. Steppy II apologised, and Nigel tried to go to work using his other end, but people spotted he was talking through his arse.