There's a very small, humanoid, burrowing creature (which sings tunelessly during the day and can be heard gently snoring sometimes during the night) living in a series of tunnels - of its own making and design - in the concrete that acts as the floor of our house. It makes its way slowly about using a tiny, battery-powered torch it has attached to its head with a piece of elastic that I suspect was stolen from a pair of boxer shorts I used to own (which I bought in Next) and it tunnels with a pickaxe - about half an inch long (that I suppose it bought at Focus).
This whole scenario often causes me serious concern. It seems to me to be entirely illogical. Even, dare one say, utterly unlikely.
Why haven't we got floorboards?