A found memorial poem, being of little or no artistic merit

"It's the nasty rubbery mouth" - Pavel Konnolsky, Smolensk

In Memoriam, Lord Sir Matthew Grove 1826 - 1894

Auburn Neophyte, legate from the heath,

Stalking the benches of green and leather,

He did away with (altogether) the

Tiresome waste; the Poor's schools and teachers,

Which withered 'neath his noble features.

School funding he gave its funeral wreath.

With utmost clarity he saw, no doubt,

That only those with Pater's cash to bet

Upon themselves, and unafraid of debt

Could hope for success in the schools he'd free

Or get through University.

So wisely he kept all the others out

All rubbery, robbery, public school snobbery

It ill behoved the men who strove to mock what drove Matthew Grove

To Offices of State more wholly

Fitting to his grand demeanour,

Did this red son of Aberdeen, A

Worshipper in Scotland's Kirk,

(Turned Church of England's knighted berk)

Rise up. Thus Grove rose from work so lowly

As to become the Secretary for

Home Affairs, where at his escritoire

He drafted the Bill that gave him power

To continue in his own tradition

And close the borders, save extradition

Of those least likely to work in Britain; the Poor.

All rubbery, robbery, public school snobbery

It ill behoved the men who strove to mock what drove Sir Matthew Grove

Once more rose he to the Chancellor's desk.

His budgets outlawed those poor as a mouse,

Swept through with the full support of the House,

Legislating that only men of means,

Could make claim to be subjects of the Queen

Victoria; the beggared deemed grotesque.

He'd saved the nation from education;

Made one-way only the nation's borders,

He'd rewrote the bankers' Standing Orders,

Built England for the few not the many;

Gave chance of gain to those with plenty.

The House of Lords was his elevation.

All rubbery, robbery, public school snobbery

It ill behoves the men who strove to mock what drove Lord Sir Matthew Grove

All manner of retrogressive votage

Became his personal goal in ermine;

Against modernity he determined

To act. Whenever it raised its youthful head

He'd seek to smash it back; stop its spread -

Ever more resolutely still in dotage,

Which came quicker than one could foretell

And left the lately great politician

At the mercy of his own physician

Who, quite appalled at all Groves's doings

Treated him with peculiar brewings

And sent his Lordship down to burn in hell.

All rubbery, robbery, public school snobbery

It ill behoved the men who strove to mock what drove to devil's stove that Matthew Grove

Geoffrey Meacle Twyford - 14th March 1894

Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. No similarity to any person either living or dead is intended or should be inferred.